Coming home...

 

I’m sitting on the train at the train station, looking out at the platform and the people. The trains headed for the airport but my minds still back at my previous destination. My previous place, my previous address, my previous life. Memories replay in my mind, and I can’t shake it. We all move on by living out lives but I somehow feel like mines going to stand still.

I’m going home and as much as I welcome the thought I cant help but fell a slight feeling of dread. I love home and I need home, but its not always the place where I feel most settled. It used to but it hasn’t in a while. The people and the places I have come to love and feel the most familiar and safe with now feel the most farthest away every time I come home. The sense of security I used to have doesn’t feel as secure anymore. And my sense of direction and knowing who I am feels more lost than ever.

I always say I need to go home to get my head right but sometimes when I go home its not always the case.

I love home, I really do. But sometimes I feel more at home when I’m away, because I can be myself, when I’m home I feel like I loose myself making me question if I ever really knew who I was.

New years resolution..to open a can of worms?!

7 days too late but anyway.. New Years resolutions..? I don’t really make any because like so many others I don’t really keep them. In a perfect world I’m sure we would make big hopes and dreams for the New Year and actually work to our potential to achieve them and keep them. But things change and life doesn’t always work that way. I’m pretty sure whatever I wanted last year is no longer what I want anymore. Either I achieved it, changed my mind, or couldn’t be bothered to achieve it so I changed my mind anyway to suit my laziness. Oh well, shit happens I guess!

My friend once told me “how you start the year is what you're gonna be doing for the rest of the year", I sincerely hope that’s not true because for the most of us it’ll probably mean that we are gonna be wasted all year round. Let the good times roll!

Anyway I don’t really have any new years resolutions but this much I know, something in my life needs to change. Change in every possible way, I’ve been living the same way for too long. I’m sick of routine and absolutely bored with my life. I need some excitement and as much as I hate drama, I welcome it with open arms! However this is gonna be hard because I’m so open minded I can adapt to most situations and its gonna be hard to get me out of my comfort zone! Dare I say I need to open a can of worms?

Either way something’s gottta change!

Hello, anyone out there???

Arghhhh I'm so bored! New years is less than a day away and I'm sitting here at 3.30am with a blank mind and a blank page!

Should I tell you about my new years eve plans? What I plan to do? Should I tell you about whatever I was thinking about earlier, happy or sad? Or do you guys wanna hear some philosophical shit? Nope, because I got nothing coming to me!

They say if you want to improve your writing, you must write everyday. However in my case writers block is an understatement! And no offense to all the people on my blog, I appreciate you taking the time out to read my blog but your all so silent..I need some inspiration!!

I highly doubt this blog will even make a difference..

My Guiding Light...

            What does it mean to be yourself. Is it the material possessions that make you you? The items that surround you which tell a piece of your story. Or is it something more than that. Something more than materialistic. Something you can’t even put a price on. I’ve lived away for more than 3 and a half years. By the end of my time here it would have been 5 years, half a decade. And although I visit home time to time it never seems enough. In those 3 and a half years I’ve sort of lost my way. And although I’m slowly trying to find my way back, the only time I truly feel like I’ve found my way is when I am at home, surrounded by the ones I love. Somehow they hold the guiding light which I find myself so desperately looking for at times. All the times I’ve wanted to spread my wings and get away, and in every moment that I am away I know deep down inside I want to go back. Back to where my heart is, back to where my head is, back to where I should be, where I want to be. Because even I know that it’s the only place I can be me. Not the person I’ve evolved to, the person I’ve molded to but the person I always was, the person I want to be again. Something about going home somehow makes you get your head right, makes you remember the person you really are, the person you used to be. And with every moment fleeting I realise how important it is that you hold on to that person, that place, those people before you loose yourself entirely.

Who do you see?

There are over 6 billion people in the world, for better or for worse. And yet in that number we only see one. That one person who somehow becomes our world, the center of our universe and yet they can’t even see us. It’s not that we’re invisible, that they can’t see us but that they choose not to. They don’t even care to. The time and effort we put in thinking we’re investing in something real only to find out that we’re living in a bubble. And how much it hurts when our bubble is burst.
Yet we can’t seem to see past them. They’re still everything we want, everything we think we need. That there’s no one else like them out there in the world. No one else better. No one else better for you. There are so many people out there but so few in our world and yet we confine ourselves only to what we know, what we see, holding on for dear life, praying they’ll never let go. Until one day we let go.

Over 6 billion people in the world and yet in our world we only see one.

I was blind but now I see...

They say we fail to see what’s right in front of us because we’re forever looking for that something we hope to find. That something that drives us to continue the search even when we feel disappointed at the end of each day.

Yet in that hope of looking for it, we sometimes fail to realise that it found us. Sometimes we open our eyes and realise its too late and sometimes we don’t know a good thing even if it was to hit us.

I was blind but now I see. And forever seems like a long time to be blind.

Ladies..what is going on here???

Ok so firstly I am going to apologise for my absence. I have been quite surprisingly busy now that exams are over going out, partying and most importantly sleeping!! Anyway that sums up why I have been quite crappy replying to most of your personal messages to me but now I’m back!

           

Ok so ladies what’s with all the running after and pining for guys?! Why are you girls chasing them? Ever heard the quote “don’t chase em’, replace em’”?? What is going on??

So most of you have developed a crush on someone playing you hot and cold or have been lead on only to be dropped. Instead of getting smart, even or getting over it your pining! Why??

Its pretty simple, if a guys playing you hot and cold chances are he can’t make up his mind about you or from his pick of girls. If a guy leads you on and drops you, chances are you didn’t hold his attention long enough and he’s on to his next shiny toy. Either way your just an option. (This doesn’t apply to all guys just mainly the players!)

You don’t have to like what I’m saying. I might be blunt but at least I’m honest! And I’m not gonna give you some crappy advice about how he likes you really or I’m sure what your hearing isn’t true or how he’s not worth it cause realistically he isn’t but that’s not why we’re reading this blog. In theory all this typical, comforting advice makes you feel a little better at the time but it doesn’t actually do anything for you apart from that. Your still gonna feel crappy about it.

So for all you readers out there relating to this post or asking for advice this is what I propose. Pick one of the following:

GET SMART

If the guy plays you hot and cold or leads you on don’t put all your eggs in one basket and all of a sudden declare this relationship to be ‘the one’. Be smart, know where your heads really at and don’t get in over your head. Most of us have that annoying habit of being swept off our feet by a few sweet words. Remember it’s so easy to say a few sweet things. Don’t fall for everything you hear. If you know its time to cut your losses and get out, your probably right.

GET EVEN

This can be disastrous but can also be entertaining. Play him hot and cold, lead him on, do all the things he would do to you, say to you back. Guys love to be challenged, they love the chase. Stop running after him, otherwise your not much of a challenge and they’ll see no point chasing you. The best way to get attention is to stop giving attention. That way he’ll crave attention from you and try to gain it. But you also need something that’s gonna make him intrigued by you, make him wanna chase you. Something to draw him in. Find out what it is and dangle it in front of him but don’t ever let him catch it. You have to be cool, collected and smart. Most of all you have to think like a guy. This can honestly be so entertaining but it can be disastrous if you fall for his bullshit, give in or feel sorry for the way your behaving and pay him more attention. Don’t let him get one over on you! Keep your emotions in check and try to think what would he do and do it better. A loose example would be the movie ‘John Tucker Must Die’ but you don’t have to go as over the top as they did!

GET OVER IT

It is what it is. What’s done is done. If you don’t care to under go the first two options then do just that. GET.OVER.IT. and move on! Simple as that.

That’s it. That’s my advice in a nutshell. If it helps great, if not then not. Remember not all of these will work for you. Find the one that will and you have to adapt it to your guy and the way you are.

Guys like a challenge and girls like to prove their worth. How would I know? Lets just say I used to be a typical guy when it came to relationships. I had no problem playing the game that all these guys are more than qualified in. I got away with it the way they do and I was never suspected the way they are. My motto used to be “play the game or get played”. And I guess it kind of helps when most of your boy mates used to be and some still are the typical players you know. I would never let them near any of my girl friends but have no problem running to them for advice or hearing their latest entertaining scandals.

Anyway hope this helps! It might sound a little extreme but I don’t really hear a better option from anyone else. Try it and see. Good luck ladies!